Category Archives: Pain

The worst has already passed

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When you feel so lonely and can’t sleep at night,
because everything gives you a fright.
The pain and the sadness takes control,
and once again you’re all alone.

I love darkness, I am afraid of the light, the only light I love staring at, is the moonlight.

I devote myself to acting happy,
but at night when I’m all alone,
some how it all spills out,
when no-one can see, and no-one can hear.
All of the pain and all of the fear.

Each day I live, the pain consumes,
What little sanity I have bloomed.
Like walking in a cloud of fog,
Falling down, sinking into smog.

Down in a black hole trying to escape depression,
But you can’t run away from what will always be your reflection.
And as you run away reality is getting nearer,
And instead of changing you, you try to change the mirror.
But what do you do when the mirror falls down?
Breaking apart as it hits the ground.

But now I am stronger; stronger than before.
Because I have realized, fear can only be bad if you imagine it more & more.
And sorrow comes with tears just as gray clouds come with rain,
And then it will pass quicker than it came.
So just be proud you didn’t cut yourself with the mirror’s glass,
And just know that the worst already passed.

©Copyright2016.AbhinavMajumder https://subduedflamboyance.wordpress.com

depression

Beasts that we call human

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Like an apple that has fallen from the tree,
her soul was rotting.
Rotting…Deep in the emotions of the misery,
the feelings that never seemed to be setting her free.
You could say others have had it worse than her,
but until you take a few steps in the worn out path of her misery,
with the burdens she carried, only then can you unravel her mystery.
The scars always there never to vanish,
never to be repaired.
The physical pain may have vanquished,
but the emotional pain will always lay stagnant in her mind,
The pain that she endured through her teenage
made permanent cracks in the building blocks of her foundation,
to make her suffer the bitterness that was left behind,
forever in her mind.

She heard the footsteps approaching her,
And something inside her screamed this time it really isn’t right.
The words he was saying were ruthless and cruel,
And each time he hit her she sat there and obeyed each and every rule. Too strong, he was….physically.

Each and every swing felt worse and worse,
And then all she wanted was to be dead in a hearse.
He threw against the wall then proceeded to pin her to the ground
He hit her again, covered the mouth, not letting her make a sound.

She started to struggle and tried to release herself of his forceful grip.
Then the next thing she heard was a loud, horrifying rip
His hands were cold and she cringed at first touch.
She closed her eyes wishing the time would just pass by
And that next time she opened them she would be up in the sky
He pushed harder and harder and excruciating pain was all she felt
The next thing she heard was the unbuckling of his belt.

Something happened inside of her that she cannot explain,
She got this surge of energy and said, “F you, coward”
But the dirty mud was clawing under her nails,
The pain increased by seconds.
Pain thriving up her body,
Screams so loud,
She thought anyone would hear.
Anyone would,
should have heard her sorrow filled cries,
But no one came.
He lingered,
Tearing off clothes,
faster than the light shining down.
Tears poured out of her eyes,
Begging,
Pleading for him to stop,
But the pain only grew,
Till his pursue was finished with her.
The pain entering,
Was like ripping knives,
Like getting cut by a blade, when it heals,
It still leaves a scar.
The pain torched on her was inhumane,
Made by a soulless creature, a beast.
But there she still lay. Wilting. Crying.
Still begging for the help,
That never came. The help….that…..never came….

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Copyright ©2016 AbhinavMajumder http://www.subdudedflamboyance.wordpress.com

What You See Is Not Me

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You see me smile on the outside.

But that’s all you can see.

What if tears run down my face on the inside?

You hear me laugh on the outside.

But that’s all you can hear.

What if I’m crying out for help on the inside?

You smell the scent I wear everyday on the outside.

But that’s all you can smell.

What if it is the smell of a rotting body on the inside?

You watch me speak fluently on the outside.

But that’s all you can watch.

What if I stammer with words on the inside?

You feel my clear skin on the outside.

But that’s all you can feel.

What if I have hundreds of scars on the inside?

You taste my lips kissing you on the outside.

But that’s all you can taste.

What if my lips taste of blood on the inside?

You witness me facing everything on the outside.

But that’s all you can witness.

What if I am very tired on the inside?

You can tell I’m happy on the outside.

But that’s all you can tell.

What if l I’m dying on the inside?

Copyright ©2015 AbhinavMajumder. All Rights Reserved.

dying

Dispirited Soul

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Have you ever loved someone,

But knew they didn’t care?

Have you ever felt like crying?

But knew you would get nowhere.

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Have you ever looked into their eyes,

And said a little prayer?

Have you ever looked into their heart,

And wished that you were there?

~~~

How do you walk away from someone

And take the direction of friends?

Can you really reroute the course you have taken

And start all over once again?

~~~

What good is love, that does not touch.

What good is love, that gives you only pain.

What good is love, that makes you run,

And lost out in the rain.

~~~

Copyright ©2015 AbhinavMajumder. All Rights Reserved.

 

 

An unrealistic dream

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Love in my life is like sand,

A strong gust of wind sifts it through my hand.

With you all my dreams seemed like coming true,

You’ve robbed me of those, what can I now do?

The hopes that we shared, the dreams that we saw,

Then you turned around leaving a scar that went raw.

The truth you tell me hurts more than your lie,

Once I learned it, I started to cry.

I still think of you lying in that bed,

And wonder if there is anything I could have said.

I wish you were still here,

But I know you’re still near.

You weren’t just my lover but my best-friend as well,

I gave you my all when in love I fell.

Into a million pieces I have been shattered,

Neither you cared, nor did it mattered.

Look at all the pain I’ve won,

I bet you think its all been fun.

You were my first kiss, my first love,

And now you don’t even care.

How could you just blow it away?

When you called us the perfect pair!

You said the words I love you,

But its obvious, things have changed.

I said the words I love you,

And my feelings are still the same.

You said I’ll love you forever,

But forever was not long enough.

I said I’ll love you always,

And I’ll mean it throughout nights & days.

I cannot imply to you what forever means,

Because your version of forever isn’t what it seems.

And my version of always,

seems like an unrealistic dream.

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Copyright ©2015 AbhinavMajumder. All Rights Reserved.

 

 

A Reminder by Rain

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It was raining last night,
calm, gentle rain,
that tapped against my window pane,
& called me back from unsettled sleep,
to soothe a heart too numb to weep.

I pushed my window open wide,
to let the soothing rain rush inside.
It caressed my cheeks, lips, eyes & hair,
And for a moment I thought,
My beloved you were there.

I was in fact thinking of you today,
and these days, I actually do that a lot it seems.
You’re always in my heart by day,
at night you drift into my dreams.

I want to feel you in my arms,
Even though you’re so miles away.
I hope you still remember me deep in your heart,
Even if we speed on different paths today.

I want to be the music that you listen to,
I’ll be there in every song.
I’ll laugh with you and sing with you,
and comfort you when your days go wrong

I’ll be the moon as it dances
on the water cold and still,
For I have loved you always,
and I know I always will.

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Though you may not see me in physical form,
as you opted to live your life today,
Just close your eyes and think of me,
I will not be too far away.

Copyright © 2015 AbhinavMajumder. All Rights Reserved.